How to support those with Eating Disorders at Christmas.
By Holly Stone, Clinical Solution-Focused Hypnotherapist and Eating Disorders & Food Freedom Specialist
For some people, Christmas is the most wonderful time of the year. For others, it feels like an emotional obstacle course: the build-up, the expectations, the social commitments, the family dynamics, the disrupted routines and, of course, the enormous focus on food.
If you already live with anxiety, a difficult relationship with food or an eating disorder, December can add an extra layer of pressure. Perhaps you're worrying about what you'll eat, how much you'll eat, what other people might say, or how you'll feel afterwards. Perhaps you're trying to keep everything together for everyone else while quietly battling your own thoughts.
If any of this sounds familiar, I want you to know something:
You are not failing because you find Christmas difficult. And you do not have to be perfect to get through it, or even to enjoy parts of it.
I hope to explore why the festive season can feel so overwhelming, what can make food harder at this time of year, and offers a gentle before, during and after plan you can use whether you're struggling yourself or supporting someone who is.
Why does everything feel so much harder when we're overwhelmed?
There is a reason we can feel more anxious, more emotional and less able to cope when life becomes busy.
When we experience ongoing stress, the brain shifts into a more protective, survival-focused state. The emotional, alarm-sounding part becomes more reactive, while the thinking part, which helps with planning, perspective and decision-making, becomes harder to reach.
I often describe this with a stress bucket. When the bucket is full, even small things can feel enormous. Christmas fills that bucket quickly: family expectations, social pressure, changes to routine, financial worries, tiredness, and difficult feelings around food all add up. The more you carry in your bucket, the more you will find you rely on your eating disorder to cope.
So if you are finding this time of year harder than usual, there is nothing wrong with you. Your system is overloaded, and that is something we can work with kindly.
When food becomes more than food
For someone whose relationship with food is difficult, Christmas can bring up a whole host of thoughts and feelings. You might recognise some of these:
Worrying about eating foods that feel unfamiliar or frightening
Feeling guilty after eating something you see as a treat
Comparing your eating or your body with other people's
Feeling anxious about meals with family or friends
Changes to routine evoke anxiety
Wanting to compensate for eating by restricting, exercising or changing what you eat afterwards
Feeling that food is the one thing you can control when everything else feels uncertain
Eating difficulties are rarely just about food. They can be connected to anxiety, emotional regulation, self-worth, perfectionism, control and a need to feel safe.
This is why telling someone to relax, enjoy their food or stop worrying is rarely helpful. What matters is understanding what is happening underneath those thoughts and offering support without judgement.
Why Christmas can be especially difficult with an eating disorder
Christmas is often imagined as a season of comfort and magic: twinkling lights, crisp frosty mornings, the scent of wood smoke in the air, and loved ones gathered around the table. For someone living with an eating disorder, it can feel anything but comforting. It can be one of the most overwhelming and lonely times of the year.
Food is woven deeply into Christmas traditions. Plates are filled generously, wine is poured, and joyful chatter fills the room. From the outside, everything looks warm and celebratory. For someone struggling with an eating disorder, the Christmas meal can be terrifying.
The expectation to eat foods that feel unsafe, to face portions that feel too large, or to eat something prepared differently from their usual routine can spark intense anxiety. Even someone who appears calm or cheerful may be hiding a storm of guilt, fear and shame, and a desperate hope that they won’t “ruin” the day for others.
Eating disorders don’t soften because it’s Christmas. They don’t quieten simply because the calendar insists on joy. They follow the person everywhere, overshadowing moments meant to be peaceful.
Understanding the inner voice of an eating disorder
Many people describe their illness as a separate presence: an intrusive, controlling voice that feels distinct from their true self. It can be harsh, demanding and relentless. It sets rules, fuels fear and punishes any deviation.
This is why comments like “just enjoy yourself” or “don’t worry, it’s Christmas!” often miss the mark. Nobody can simply switch that voice off, however much they wish they could. Recognising the difference between the person and their illness is one of the most compassionate steps we can take.
A gentle plan for Christmas: before, during and after
Before
Keep your anchors. Christmas can disrupt the familiar structures that help us feel safe. Where you can, hold on to regular meals and snacks, your sleep routine and moments of rest. If you are following an eating disorder recovery plan, continue to work with your agreed clinical and nutritional support rather than changing things because it is Christmas.
Take the pressure off perfection. You do not need to create the perfect Christmas, host the perfect gathering or feel happy every minute. Notice where you are putting unnecessary expectations on yourself and choose one thing to let go of: a card list, a tradition that drains you, an invitation you dread.
Prepare a few words. Food, weight and appearance can become surprisingly popular topics around the Christmas table. You are allowed to change the subject. You could say:
"I'd rather not talk about food or weight today. How was your year?"
Or simply:
"Let's talk about something more interesting!"
You do not owe anyone an explanation.
During
Give yourself permission to pause. When you notice overwhelm building, take a moment to recognise what you need. Step outside, or go to a quieter room. Breathe in gently, then breathe out a little more slowly than you breathed in, and repeat a few times. A slower out-breath helps signal to your body that it is safe to settle.
Ground yourself in the room. Notice five things you can see and four things you can hear, and feel your feet on the floor. This brings your attention back to the present and away from racing thoughts.
Aim for connection, not performance. Our brains are wired for connection, and time with people who make us feel accepted, safe and valued can help us feel less isolated. But connection does not mean attending every event. A quiet walk, a phone call with a friend or a little time with someone who understands can be just as valuable.
After
Treat a hard day as information, not a verdict. A difficult meal or an overwhelming evening does not mean you have failed. You do not need to make up for what you have eaten, and there is no need to start again in January.
Reach out. A message to a friend, a walk, or a conversation with someone who understands can lighten the load. You don't have to solve everything immediately.
A little reminder about food this Christmas
You do not need to earn your Christmas dinner.
You do not need to compensate for what you have eaten.
You do not need to start again in January.
Food is not a reward for being good, and eating is not something you need to apologise for.
How to support someone with an eating disorder at Christmas
If someone you love is struggling, quiet, respectful support makes a meaningful difference. They probably won’t want to burden the celebrations or draw attention to their struggles, so thoughtful preparation, agreed with them in advance, can help keep them grounded and safe. If they work with a clinical team, their agreed plan comes first.
Avoid comments about food, portions, weight or appearance, even well-meant ones such as “you look well”, “it’s only once a year” or “good for you for having seconds”. Focus on reassurance and presence instead.
If you’re hosting Christmas
Create a plan together. Ask what would help ease their anxiety. This might include:
Involving them in the food shopping
Sharing the menu ahead of time
Making sure familiar foods they feel comfortable with are available
Talking through the food options in advance
Keeping some flexibility around seating and timing
Having control over small details (not all of them, just some) can help keep the eating disorder voice quieter.
Allow space if needed. If the table feels overwhelming, they may need a moment to breathe. Offering a quiet room, or simply permission to take small breaks, can stop distress from building.
If you’re visiting family or friends
Eating outside their usual environment can be even harder. To support them:
Bring foods they feel comfortable with wherever you go
Agree a discreet signal they can use if they feel overwhelmed
Consider a gentle conversation with the host beforehand, but only if they agree
Let them know you are not watching their plate and that you are glad they are there
Small victories matter
The goal is not a “perfect” Christmas meal. It is to reduce anxiety so that moments of joy can emerge. A quiet laugh, a favourite carol, the excitement of opening a gift: these glimpses of warmth matter more than a flawless meal. For someone navigating an eating disorder, even a small piece of Christmas joy is a precious victory, for them and for the people who love them.
If you are worried about their health, encourage them gently to speak to their GP or their eating disorder team.
When Christmas feels like too much
You deserve support throughout the festive period, not only when things reach crisis point. If you are struggling with an eating disorder, please contact your GP or your eating disorder team, or call the Beat helpline on 0808 801 0677 (Beat offers support over the festive period, Monday to Friday, 3pm to 8pm). The NHS website also has information on eating disorders. If you ever feel unsafe, contact emergency services.
Hypnotherapy can be a supportive part of recovery for some people, but it is not a replacement for medical care. I work alongside GPs and specialist teams where that is needed.
Frequently asked questions
Why does Christmas make eating difficulties worse? Christmas combines several things that can intensify food-related anxiety: disrupted routines, a heavy focus on food, social pressure, family dynamics and tiredness. For many people it also means more meals with other people and more comments about eating and appearance.
What can I do if I feel anxious about a Christmas meal? Planning ahead can help. Keep regular meals in the lead-up, think about where you would like to sit, prepare a phrase to change the subject, and decide what you will do afterwards that is kind to you, such as a walk or a call with a friend. If you work with a clinical team, follow the plan you have agreed with them.
How can I support someone with an eating disorder at Christmas? Avoid commenting on food, weight or appearance, keep conversation centred on connection rather than eating, and ask them what would help. Encourage them to stay in touch with their professional support.
Can hypnotherapy help with anxiety around food and eating? Solution Focused Hypnotherapy focuses on the future you want and builds on what is already working, rather than analysing the past. For some people it helps with anxiety, emotional regulation and their relationship with food, and it can sit alongside medical and specialist support. It is not a substitute for medical care.
How can I make Christmas meals feel safer for a loved one? Share the menu in advance, make sure familiar foods are available, avoid commenting on portions, and create a calm, flexible environment. Ask them what would help.
What should I avoid saying? Avoid comments like “just relax”, “you look well” or “it’s only once a year”. They can feel invalidating or triggering. Focus on reassurance and presence instead.
My Christmas wish for you
As a Clinical Solution-Focused Hypnotherapist and Eating Disorders and Food Freedom specialist, I spend much of my time helping people understand the relationship between their thoughts, emotions and behaviours. What I see time and time again is how much easier it becomes to make positive changes when we stop fighting ourselves and start understanding what we need.
This Christmas, perhaps the goal doesn't need to be doing more, eating perfectly or keeping everybody happy. Perhaps it can simply be finding a little more peace.
Peace, not perfection.
If your relationship with food, anxiety or overwhelm is making life difficult, I would love to help you explore what support might look like. You are welcome to email me at holly@hollystonehypnotherapy.co.uk or use the contact form to arrange a no-obligation conversation. You can find more information on my services here.
Wishing you a peaceful and compassionate Christmas,
Holly x
Holly Stone is a Clinical Solution-Focused Hypnotherapist and Eating Disorders & Food Freedom Specialist, working with adults and young people in West Sussex and online.
This article is for general information and is not a substitute for medical advice. If you are concerned about your health or the health of someone you love, please speak to your GP.
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