In light of the recent statistics shared by Young Minds:

“Eating problems in young people are rapidly increasing.  

46% of boys aged 17-19 have a possible eating problem, up from 30% since 2017.

75% of girls aged 17-19 have a possible eating problem, up 25% since 2017.”

What follows has been written by someone who I have the privilege to know and who has had their own battles with anorexia. I do not feel that I need to add anything but ask that you share it with anyone who cares for, or lives, with someone with an eating disorder. Christmas is not an easy time for many and I hope that in sharing this it will make it a little easier for those who struggle with poor relationships with food.

“Food at Christmas

Christmas.

A joyful time. Sparkling fairy lights, frosty white mornings, the smell of wood crackling

on open fires fills the air that you breathe. Christmas has many wonderful connotations,

most people feel cosy, calm and festive as they begin to slow down and prepare for

Christmas day, but what about those who are struggling with eating disorders?

For many sufferers Christmas can be utterly terrifying. More of the time than not,

Christmas day is constructed around the main meal where the family gathers, merry

cheers are shared, food is enjoyed, bottles of wine are opened, and everyone is jolly, but

are they? For someone suffering with an eating disorder the Christmas meal can feel

overwhelming and frightening and is dreaded by most. The expectation of eating a large

meal, perhaps that has been preprepared by someone other than normal, or being given

certain foods on their “red list” which do not sit comfortably, can all be too much. It may

be that they can put on a brave face, it seems as though they are coping well, maybe even

enjoying it. It’s a mask. Lies. It’s easier to battle with the voice inside than risk

potentially ruining the magical day for their family because the guilt is bad enough

already. The sufferer feels guilt almost all of the time, so they endeavour to hide their

struggles in order to keep everyone happy, but the issue is that they themselves are

utterly miserable. Miserable and terrified on a day that is meant to be joyful, happy and

relaxing. Eating disorders are ruthless. They do not care whether it is Christmas,

summer, your birthday or any other day in between but they dampen all days, like snow

falling, covering your body and then melting leaving you damp, cold and gloomy.

I use the collective noun ‘they’ to distinguish between the illness and the sufferer.

Although they both live inside one body, they are not the same living being. They do not

breathe the same air, use the same cognition, they are two juxtaposing beings. A

common way someone who is suffering with an eating disorder describes their illness is

that it’s like having a separate person living inside their mind. This person often is

connotated with a demon or a devil’s spirit, and it has its own voice. The voice is loud

and controlling, scary and overruling. It is all consuming, the sufferer fades as the voice

inhibits their mind. And this is why it is not just as simple as saying ‘enjoy the good bits’

‘it’s Christmas, relax’ ‘leave it all behind, it’s the holidays’ because the sufferer simply

cannot.

So, if you are aware that you will be spending the festive period with someone suffering

with an eating disorder they may need a little bit of comfort and support. They will not

want to burden the big day or ruin any element of the fun festivities, but they should

not be ignored. It may be helpful to conduct a contingency plan with them. If the

sufferer will be at home, it may be useful to do the food shopping with them, make sure

they are fully aware of what will be on offer on the day, so it is not overwhelming, make

sure, they have their safe foods if it’s all too much, allow them to feel like they can have

some element of control over the food so nothing unknown can potentially trigger they

eating disorder. They may feel like a failure for not being able to partake like normal or

having to abide by certain rules and controls, but we know how important it is to keep

stress levels low for the sufferer and to not provoke the voice. If the dinner table is too

overwhelming they may need to be allowed some time out. If you are not going to be at

home and you will be at a family’s house this can be even more daunting. Not only are

there are expectations to enjoy a day filled with food but also, they are expected to do this in

absence of the comfort of their own home, without the comfort of their safe foods close

It may be useful to take some safe foods with you, wherever you go. It may be useful

to have a quiet word with whoever is hosting so they are aware and won’t be offended if

any food is turned down, frowned upon or not eaten because the main aim has to be to

keep the voice quiet for the sufferer. If the voice is quiet, it may be that the day can be

enjoyable for them, even if it is not fully enjoyable, if parts are enjoyable it should be

celebrated. Maybe then the voice can be overridden with the presents, carols and love

that is shared, and wouldn’t that just be the best Christmas present for the sufferer and

their family?”