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Does your fear stop you?

I recently said “yes” to an invitation to visit a local “High Places” activity centre. We all said that we were not very happy with heights but that it sounded like a fun thing to do so would give it a go. I fancied a challenge! We donned safetly gear: harnesses, hats etc and set off to our first activity. A climb of over 20ft up a vertical hanging moving rope wall.

I have to be honest the nerves were there but I put into practice what I know and told myself that I could do it! The others all climbed, and then my turn came. The wall wobbled and my body turned to a quivering mass of nerves. Support and encouragement got me to the top but the urge to cling on for all I was worth was strong and my body was shaking as I was told to let go!

“Let go” – I hadn’t even thought about that part. It went against everything that I felt to release my grip from the tyre that I was wrapped around to be lowered to the floor. But I did! It was such a relief to be back on the ground but my body was shaking and I couldn’t seem to override it and calm it down. Why not? I had a conversation with myself that went something like this:

“You are in a harness and have been safely lowered to the ground. The harness works. If you fall you will be safe. You can do this. You have just done this. Etc etc”

Why then if I could tell myself this did my body still want to respond in this way? And why did I then agree to participate in the next activity? Which was called the “leap of faith”?

I didn’t go first and it was apparent that this was a tough challenge but the others made the climb, hauled themselves onto the 2ft square platform at the top of a 20ft pole and jumped out to grab a trapeze bar. Simple! If they could do it then so could I.

I started to climb, telling myself the same as above. Repeatedly. I couldn’t do it! I got almost to the top and was so exhausted, close to tears and terrified. I clung on, wrapping myself round the pole and when I was told to “let go” as before it took everything that I had to release myself to be lowered to the ground. This time along with the shakes and fighting the urge to cry, I felt disappointed in myself too for not having achieved the goal of jumping!

I can now honestly say that I felt the fear. I didn’t realise that I was that afraid of heights and I now feel better equipped than ever to understand how my clients feel when they come to me for help. The fabulous bit is that I understand what fear is and more importantly what I can do to overcome it should I view my fear of heights as a problem.

For my clients their fear is a real problem. It prevents them from living their lives the way that they want. Fear of flying, spiders, skiing, public speaking and more are things that I have successfully helped people to normalise.

Treatment

There are different thoughts surrounding the successful treatment of fear and phobias. Some, such as exposure tecnique can be traumatic and upsetting and I would ague that the risk of reinforcing the fear is great. Fear is a learned response. (although recent studies do appear to be substantiating the argument that some can be inherited) That said, whether we inherit, or teach ourselves to be fearful we can equally unlearn and re teach ourselves a preferred response.

Fear is a chain reaction in the brain that starts with a perceived stressful stimulus, in my case being several feet from the ground, and ends with the release of chemicals that cause a racing heart, fast breathing and energised muscles, among other things, also known as the fight-or-flight response. Getting us ready in that split second to run away from the problem or freeze.   We need to understand that our natural fight-flight response is a powerful one. When we sense something potentially dangerous our Amygdala sends signals to other parts of our brain telling them to “listen” and our primitive emotional brain can take control and in some cases override our intellectual brain to ensure our survival. 

The stimulus could be a spider, a knife at your throat, an auditorium full of people waiting for you to speak or the sudden thud of your front door against the doorframe.

So will I be re visiting the “leap of faith”? Yes.

And between now and then I will be putting into practice what I know. I have already started to use the power of imagination to imagine my preferred outcome. Rehearsing in my conscious intellectual mind all the things that I know, but at the time couldn’t apply. I have also arranged to meet with a colleague to experience the therapy that I use.

I believe that we don’t need to know why we feel the way that we do, we just need to know what we want to be doing instead. On this occasion a few days later the penny dropped. And, much as I don’t need to know the reason for my fear to overcome it, identifying the root cause in this case has helped me to rationalise it and to start to overcome, what has been a learned and experienced response to falling. When I was 18 I had a fall from my horse whilst travelling at speed and was thrown a distance to land on my feet. The impact resulted in a multiple fracture in my ankle and several years of surgery and I still suffer 20+ years later.

Ultimately, whatever the situation, your brain’s control centre (the pre-frontal cortex) appears to have the ability to take control if strong enough, or regain control from, our primitive emotional health and safety department (the limbic system – Amygdala, Hypothalamus, Hippocampus).

The mind will generally respond to the most dominant thought. If that emanates from the intellectual mind then that has the priority, even in the most desperate situations. This explains how individuals can show exceptional abilities to remain calm, in control, and brave when faced with a life-threatening situation, particularly where a member of the family faces the danger, such as in a burning building. I always think of Bear Grylls who has trained himself to remain clam in the most stressful of scenarios as both his life, and on occasions, others’ have depended upon it.

We can train ourselves to overcome our survival response (which is often the cause of the problem) that insists that we keep away from the danger. Our primitive emotional brain has no intellectual capability so can only pattern match with previously learned experiences. It is also possible, with modern techniques, to reduce the anxiety that keeps our primitive response active and to move memories that have become locked into the emotional, primitive brain so that they are no longer available for pattern matching. This is what I practice with my clients with successful results.

If you are finding that your fears are impacting on your ability to be happy then please do get in touch to learn more about how I can help. Treatment usually takes 4 individual 1 hour sessions spaced weekly. holly@hollystonehypnotherapy.co.uk

To find out whether I achieve the Leap please follow my FB page or sign up to my mailing list.

I can and I will!!

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